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Yadav,
I never thought 2024 would mark the end of us. In my heart, I truly believed this year would be our best—one filled with honesty, loyalty, love, and support. A year where we encouraged each other, laughed together, and made beautiful memories on those little dates we always talked about. I never realized that one day your feelings for me would fade, that I would become just another woman in your eyes, a stranger in your life.I never imagined a day would come when, if I texted you, you’d think, “Why her again? I’m done with her.” That thought alone breaks me in ways I cannot explain. If I could make a wish, it would be for the version of us that once loved each other to return. But I know how impossible that feels now.All I have left is Allah, and I put my trust in Him. They say to have sabr, to wait patiently, and that’s what I’ve been doing—even since the very beginning of us. I don’t regret what we had. Wallahi, I never could. How could I regret loving you? Loving you was never a mistake. It was the purest thing I’ve ever felt.I know I wasn’t perfect, and I’m sorry for all the ways I may have hurt you. I’m sorry for being a bad girlfriend, for not supporting you as I should have, for making you feel trapped, for forcing us to work through things when you didn’t want to. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel guilty. I’m sorry for the times I restricted you, for the times I failed to understand you. And most of all, I’m sorry if my love ever became a burden.But please don’t resent me. Please don’t look back at us with regret. I gave you my all because I loved you with everything I had.I know you may never come back. I know the thought feels impossible. But I pray for you every single day. I pray for your happiness—even if it isn’t with me. December 5th until today has felt like an eternity without you. I still miss you. Talking to you, seeing you—those moments feel like miracles now. And I know the chance of you coming back is even more improbable. But miracles are in Allah’s hands, and so I trust Him.No matter what is written in our fates, I want you to know that I wish you the best, Yadav. I wish you peace, joy, and a life full of love—even if it’s a love that no longer includes me. Seeing couples happy together makes my heart ache because that could’ve been us.From dreaming of spending New Year together to sitting through physics tuition side by side, from maturing together to building a future filled with love, marriage, and children—we truly grew up, didn’t we? We went from brokenness, from being hurt and cheated on, to healing together, transforming ourselves, and building a healthy relationship. We even faced the fears of a pregnancy scare, adjusted our attachment styles, and yet somehow, after all of that, we still came to an end.I don’t know where we went wrong, nor can I question it, because everything was already written by Allah. I won’t lie and say I don’t miss us, just as I won’t lie and say I regret us. But I’d be lying if I said I don’t want us back.If Allah could grant us both another chance, I’d promise to make my prayers stronger—to pray that we would no longer be tested in our love but instead be guided to build something that lasts. I’d pray for our reunion to bind us together for the rest of our lives. I’d pray for the future we once envisioned—one filled with happiness, growth, and purpose—to come to life.This sudden loneliness, this feeling of losing a piece of myself, is indescribable. It’s like I’m missing a vital part of my being. My days feel empty without the routine of calling you, texting you, and updating you. But what hurts the most is not the lack of communication—it’s the absence of being there for each other, supporting each other, and helping one another succeed.I feel as though I changed you, shaped you, not for myself but for someone else—to treat someone else better than you ever treated me. People had different opinions about us. Some called us toxic, while others said we were mature and perfect for each other. I don’t know where we stood in reality, but I know how I felt.December 5th came as a shock when you said you needed space. If I’d known then, I would’ve given you the space you needed. December 6th, you said it was over. December 8th, you confirmed, “You know this is the end, right?” And by December 17th, you said you’d moved on. December 22nd brought even more heartbreak when you told me you’d found someone else. By December 30th, you asked me to move on, too.But January 1st brought something different—a heartfelt paragraph from you that rekindled my hope and kept me praying for us. I still do. Every single minute of my day, I pray for us. January 4th, despite my hurt and anger over you finding someone else, you double-texted me. January 6th, I saw you talking to her, and it confirmed my fears—my predictions always seem to come true, and that hurts. But I still wonder, will the prediction I hold dearest—the one of us reuniting—come true with Allah’s blessings?By January 10th, it felt like the end. I told myself it was over. But then a miracle happened—3 months of effort seemed to pay off. Yet, by January 16th, everything came crashing down again. One month after closure, I felt I’d lost all hope. Everything seemed impossible, but still, my duas carried your name.I can’t understand how we could go back to being strangers when we felt so meant to be. Allah would never allow me to love you so deeply if there wasn’t a reason. I had once prayed to Allah to not let you into my life if we weren’t meant for each other. And yet, here I am, still waiting, still hoping, still believing.I wait for Laylatul Qadr, praying for another miracle. But for now, it feels like all doors are closed. How long will this last? Will a day come when everything feels right again? A day where we find our way back to each other? A day where Zuh and Yad’s spark reignites?For now, I’m letting go. You’re right—it’s what needs to happen. But I will never stop praying. I asked Allah to prove everyone wrong, to show them the power of heartfelt duas, to reveal His majesty in bringing us back together. But I feel like I’ve proven myself wrong.Whatever lies ahead, thank you for everything, Yadav. I’m sorry for being the worst girlfriend you could have had. I wish I had never been in your life at all—words I could never say out loud because I’d break into tears.Today, the tiny fire of us burned out.
But perhaps this is how our story was meant to end. From lovers to strangers.Take care of yourself, Yadav.– ZuhairaaDont resent me
i love you from afar
